Identity Crisis

Accepting our high-school diploma. Choosing a college. Not choosing a college. Deciding what career path we embark upon. Committing to who we spend the rest of our life with. Deciphering how to go about parenting. Picking where we live. Determining what it is we’ll do with the rest of our lives. These are the moments that supposedly define who we are and shape our identity.

Maybe it’s not so much the moments we’re defined by as the choices we make in those moments. Moments happen all the time, but with every moment comes a choice. Even by not making a choice we’re still making one. Then we have to live with that forever. The scariest thing is, they’re our choices to make. No one else can do it for us.

Everyday Alexis dies. What Alexis wants, what Alexis thinks, how Alexis feels. That all has to go away so that I can be full of Christ. Not just full, but over flowing, so that I then possess the ability to pour into others. Not because I can, but because without Christ I can’t. It requires loosing my identity in order to find it.

Back to moments. As I feel the heat of things in this stage of life, i.e.

What do I do with myself after I graduate? How do I even begin the process of living a life that is impossible to miss because of how Jesus Christ used me?

Here’s what I’ve learned:

A) It’s not the big things we do in life that matter so much as the little things that make a big impact.
B) It’s the little moments in life that build us or break us.
How you react when someone offends you, how patient you are in the midst of traffic, how much attention you pay to a child who’s sharing their heart with you.
Those little moments determine what we’ll do when our big moments come along.
C) I’m not defined by the choices that I’ve made, am making, or will make. I’m defined by the blood of Jesus Christ. In the same way I’m not defined by all of the “bad” I’ve done, I’m also not defined by all of the “good”. I don’t become more valuable based on the amount of times I actually end up getting it right.

The only way I can let Christ use me is by letting Christ take over. Not only letting him take over, but trusting that he knows exactly what he’s doing. That means not freaking out over whether or not I’m getting it right.

Moments don’t define us. Choices don’t define us. They shape us.

Our identity isn’t discovered in a college degree, a specific college, or education at all for that matter. It’s not found in our career. It’s not measured by our success. It’s not confirmed the moment we say, “I do.” It’s not residing in the place we choose to live, or hiding behind the perfect parenting technique. Though these are all extremely important pieces in the grand puzzle of life. I can try and try and try until I burn myself out trying to make a difference on behalf of Christ and trying to make all the right choices. When in reality, He would’ve been seen so much more clearly if I had just moved out of the way.

I want to write books that cause people to reevaluate themselves, experience the radical love of Christ, and give in to reckless abandon. I want to speak to people, share my heart with them, and let them know that there is hope and his name is Jesus. I want to lead and teach people, not by telling them what to do, but by showing them. But I don’t want to be defined by any of these things, as incredible as they are. If I’m trying to earn my worth by keeping up with my identity in these things, I’ll never be good enough. Ever. It’s easy to loose your identity by focusing on the things you’ve done wrong, but it’s just as easy to loose it by focusing on the things you’ve done right. When people look at me, I don’t want them to simply think, “Oh, there’s Alexis, the author!” “Oh, there’s Alexis, the speaker!” I want people to think, “Oh, there’s Alexis, the one who’s in love with Jesus!”

God doesn’t need me. He wants me.
To him, I’m worth everything.
He proved I’m worth everything to him when he gave up everything in return for me.

That’s what defines my life, my purpose, my motives. That’s where my identity is found.

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